#mummyfail

You know it's time to stop swearing in front of your kid when he runs around screaming: "Fuck-Fuck-Fuck-Fuck-Fuck" in his sweet little toddler voice. 

[love n booze]

You know you have a drinking problem when your partner writes you a love letter and sticks it to your wine bottle. 

I love this little guy, especially after his bath.

[Play School] The best TV show for kids?!

Last night I had a dream that the Play School presenter Andrew was a brain-eating zombie. He was dressed like Michael Keaton's character from 'Beatlejuice" and he was on a skateboard chasing me. He grabbed my arm with the intent of eating my brain. I poked him in the eye with a hockey stick. From this, I can deduce the following:

1) I watch too much TV
2) I have been living in Canada for too long
3) The Walking Dead scares the shit out of me, but I can't stop watching it
4) Play School employs subliminal messages that infiltrate your brain. My child is at risk
5) I really need to get more sleep

Spring

That moment, when you hear the first bird tweet, is the sweetest sound after a long, cold winter. 

Viking Baby

I swear I have a viking baby. A farting, burping, swearing, food-chucking little bloody viking. His incoherant whines and screams is really an ancient viking language and each sentence has pretty much the same tone: "Get me my food, bitch. Screw you, bitch, I don't want to go to sleep. I want to stay up all night eating, whoring and shitting with Big Bird and Mr. Owl."

Food times are the worst. I believe that more food lands on the ground than in his little circle on his face. I spend my days sweeping the floor, to keep the ants at bay and wiping his grotty little food-stained paws that claw and rip each morsel of food scraps I throw at him, paying mind not to get too close for fear of the almighty smear in my eye/ear/hair. I've come to believe that avocado doesn't have any properties to make my hair shine. I just end up looking oily and green. The 'Kermit the frog' look went out in the '80's. 


I'm hoping that the viking eventually leaves in his little dragonship and sails far far away, leaving behind the sweet little darling that used to dwell in my quiet abode. But I guess that won't happen until well after his teen years. Best be adopting the 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em' philosophy. Arrrrrgh! 

Baby Does Beyonce

It started with a hand flick, and has become a 'thing' Cooper likes to do. I sing "Single Ladies" he does the hand movement. I wish I knew the words to the song, because then we could take this show on the road. He has also learned how to do 'kisses.' Awwwww. Today, the dining room. Tomorrow, the circus. 

Sweet baby giggles, sickening adult baby voices. What more does one need on a Friday evening? 

On his birthday, let him eat cake! 

-- 365 Days of Discovery --

The best thing about being a parent is discovering the world through your toddler's eyes. The joy of looking out of a high-rise window, the whirring of an approaching sea plane, or the simplicity of a fleck of fluff on the carpet provides so much excitement and insight into the world around us. It gives new meaning to the expression "stop and smell the roses." To a stay-at-home mum, there are rarely dull moments and those moments are reignighted with a new discovery or a simple smile, a new skill or a sloppy kiss. 

How fast these moments, days and years have flown by! Flashes of birthing a screaming, bloodied banshee, cradling a newborn baby, fluttering diapers, engorged boobies and flying food swirl and swim around my mind. 365 days gone. 365 days of discovery. 365 days of little sleep. 365 days of happiness and love.